So I started again …


Not the best of the reason to start blogging again. But I really needed someone to listen to me.

Right now, I just don’t want anybody to come and read these posts so friends I am thinking of blocking the followers.

No comments please … just read it and forget it …  don’t ask questions.


Things we lost in conversation !!


Have you ever been through hell !! I just did and yes it is painful to the extent. Every nonsense that you think should not come to your mind, it comes as you think of it.

Its strange how easy it is, to be thought like someone you never are, how small things said and done, rippled like tsunamis in your mind, destroying all the things you made out of love. Good things is these are all thoughts and a ray of light convince you that things will be alright.

One of the important lessons learnt out of this passage through hell is that you really don’t need words to express feelings, so don’t ask for it, just hope that things will be alright. But being human nobody likes uncertainties. To overcome these uncertainties in life humans tends to believe in horoscopes, tarot reading and all.

This is a good sign. it shows that you are recovering. I read somewhere that there is link developed between people when you actually are in relationships, I just hope its true.

I can now just wonder on how things turned out, but its evident now, questioning what just happened is the foolish thing to do. The right thing is to make things okay again, may be things are not that bad as I think. It cant be just like that. It may be easy to say, but I know things are not that bad.

I cried after a long time and I have no one to tell that. Boys does cry.

I am not sure, how confidently I can say this to you again, that I’ll survive whatever happens. I have just seen the trailer of hell and it was painful and made me think things, I never thought I can do.

I don’t know if I am gonna post it. I surely don’t want you to read it soon and you should not read it later. This is not due to you and I don’t expect you to go through what I have gone through.

I am a bit more emotional then I should be, I cant just help sometimes. I deserved it, I believe.

I just wanna say “ I Love You ” … even if this is unsaid so far.  I should have said that before, if it is to be said, don’t know for what I was waiting for.

This is a bad time now for question I was about to ask. I just wanted to ask “Given a chance, given everything will be alright, Will you marry me? Will you spent whole life with me?”… I think of asking it many times, but something was holding me back. Feeling that you need not answer it, feeling that I already know the answer.

I just wanted to ask that before you leave next weekend and I thought may be I’ll ask you this weekend.

The dream I had last night was pushing my emotions to ask it that time, but I thought let not just do it now and give you another thoughtful sleepless night.

With this state of my mind, I cant think how will you react now. I know you are angry at me, just hope not that bad as I am thinking. But you are angry enough to reply harshly to me, on mails I just sent out of emotions Sad smile… hoping it will soothe things down. Just things are not in tandem, not working for me today.

I already have few things that I think I’ll repent all my life, that I have acted differently and it pains every time I think of those, But do I had the options??. I just don’t want to add more things to it, I try hard, I am trying hard and I’ll try hard.

If you read it somehow, believe me you are not one of the audience at the moment, If I wanted to I could have mailed you all this.

This post is a messs !!!

but I Love You … and I want to say it to you looking in your eyes, holding your hand.


~Khadus Smile with tongue out

5 Months !!!

its some 5 months sine i have blogged about anything. Sometime I think, does my life turned not so happening , so I could not get anything to write about or was I too busy??

Let me try again… signing off with a positive intent to come back again …

c u ppl soon ..!!

Welcome in Shape

Since I am back, I am in my most possible “idle” state of my professional life, not intentional though. The welcome, I got, however was nowhere in my weirdest dreams. After a long journey of almost 50 hours, I was spending my whole weekend, and I literally mean “whole”, in my office (unfortunately, that weekend was my birthday also). After that eminence filled weekend, things have overturned, work is minimal and I had to prove to my managers that I am actually, physically in office. It seems, after that weekend, they actually developed a habit of seeing me in front of them always :P.

I went to meet my family as soon as that tiresome travel plus weekend got over. Seen my cutie niece “kucchu” after a long time, she’s just 7 months old and full of energy of a 2 year old. I just want her to start chattering asap, that will be fun. It seems to me, babies are getting tech-savvy these days, when I left, she was barely 3 months old and I am sure I dint make sense to her at that time. I had tried to do some nonsense talking (so that I can make sense to a 5 month old) to my “kucchu” over skype, and it appeared that she recalled her “chachu” that she had seen over skype video chat, strange enough.

Maa was worried that I lost a few pounds over the last few months and she did everything to make things abnormal again, people were saying that I got in shape, thanks to the walking I did and the home-food drought I faced, over the time. My Maa dint like my new shape and now, just a week at home, I am back in shape again, round this time :P.

I can see that things are not moving in my professional life, the work has become insipid and I am waiting for new directions. On the same note, I can observe on the physical side I have also gone “idle”, not that I was a “Jumping Jack”  before, just I was too active, to be me, for quite some time while I was in Charlotte. I went for squash every weekend there, was walking almost 3 miles everyday. I became, sort of inactive on the blog, social networking sites and twitter.

I had been thinking for some time to write something on this blog, scribbled a lot, but was not reaching to the final formatted post. Tried various ideas, then finally I thought that I should write first about, why I am out of ideas? cause I am not in my best of mental state at this time. Does transition, or awaited transition makes some-one so feckless?

Whatsoever, I did not really liked this post, Its too out of my writing style, so plain, so boring, but posting it to get started.

Also, I got my first Indiblogger Rank, its 55. I think its not too bad for a start :)

Will be back with some more interesting stuff, soon.

Killer Instinct ….. and revenge of the time

As I posted earlier, my flight got delayed and here I am, 4 days later, waiting for my flight to get airborne. I like to mention that, this journey of mine from Charlotte to New Delhi was made as long as possible (Charlotte-Chicago-Cairo-Mumbai-Delhi), notable thanks to the Volcanic eruption, Air India and my Company.

I will be travelling for almost 48 hours, minus the roughly 10 Hrs of time-zone difference. And the worst part is I’ll be spending most of the hours on Airports waiting for my next flight. So, I started my fist long halt at Chicago O’Hare International airport, where I landed 8 hours before my flight’s departing schedule.

And I uncovered, I am quite a good “Time-Killer”, I killed the time mercilessly, when I took 4 hours, to reach the international terminal, which usually take 15 minutes at max :). I did give retreat to my senses, tested as many fragrances in stores, that can make your nose numb and finally it felt like I lost Olfaction senses, temporarily. Took multiple demos of high quality headphones and rocking music, knowing that I already have decent headphone. Took some photographs along the way and finally, when no option left, boarded the Airport Transit to get to International terminal.

So, Looking at the watch, I patted myself on back… “Good Work Man !!!, halfway done … now go get some food and enjoy watching movies in transit area, that will be a second killer attack on time, given I have charging points my laptop will be my lethal weapon”. I rushed into the food court, found a Boingo Wi-Fi, got myself online  and bragged about my achievements to friends online, gulping McDonald’s burger and Coke.

While I was waiting for my turn at the counter, everything was looking so great, even the “Aunties” at the Air India counter were looking like damsels, I was smiling like a Cheshire cat for no reason whatsoever and poking to almost everybody with some greetings and comments about the whole “Airline’s Nightmare” over Europe.

When I finally reached the counter, and as they passed me my boarding pass, my smile faded into nothingness, I looked around to see, who the bloody hell cursed me!!? Did the girl behind me was culprit, who must have misunderstood that I was trying to woo her, during this my over joyous period. Or, the south Indian Aunty, in front of me in queue, to whom I have reminded, a dozen times, to move, I thought she was dozing. Or, wait !!! Is the “Time” fighting back… Okay!! now that will be something interesting !!..

Nevertheless, as per the new information, my flight got delayed by further 9 hours, so that makes total of 12 hours remaining. I was smiling again, thinking …. “Man, whoever cursed me, if the person is from my fellow passengers, he/she also did a good self damage !! :D.

Now, Still 5 hours to spare, I watched a movie, window shopped all shops on International terminal, writing this post. I did similar thing more than a year back and posted on my other blog. I am doing good … with my “Killer Instincts” and so far I have a clear edge but don’t want time to fight back again :P.

So, now I am waiting to get Airborne !!! and I believe in Air India, so I must say, I don’t know when I’ll fly and via which place and will end-up in Mumbai ( as scheduled) or Delhi or … !!

Signing off !! will keep you posted .. geez Man !!!… I want to post again while I’ll be Airborne, but I wont be able to get online … but I’ll have plenty of time to kill.

Below are few pics, I clicked, while I was killing my time -



(the famous “bean” of chicago” sketched by some artist).


IMG_2454 (long way !!)

 IMG_2456 (lonely … !!)


Flying with Volcanic Ash !!

The whole Volcanic ash saga wont strain you a bit, if you are not part of it. And yes I am affected. It could have gone worse if I ended up in Chicago airport unaware that my flight got delayed by 4 days.

The Volcano “Eyjafjallajökull” (God!!! I cant pronounce it :P) is erupting Volcanic ash for some days and this ash is on travelling spree all over Europe and farther locations, thanks to the winds. Due to this almost all Europe is a no-fly zone.

People who believe, they can pronounce it or even want to give it a try .. here are some pointers - Some sources suggest that you can pronounce it as “ay-yah-FYAH’-plah-yer-kuh-duhl” or you can try “AY-yah-fyah-lah-YOH-kuul”. Suit yourself.

I could not resist myself from digging in deep to find out what is keeping airliners from what they are supposed to do, .. fly. The outcomes are quite scientific –

The Volcanic Ash from the Icelandic volcano is composed of same ingredients we use for making “glass” and this Volcanic ash, which is on its euro-trip is boosted into the atmosphere at the same altitude where the modern Jetliners fly.

Also, It is hard to distinguish the ash cloud from the other “normal” cloud in the atmosphere. So the Jetliners eventually will inhale these ingredients for glass making into their Jet engines and will heat it (not intentionally !!) to 1400 degrees, not knowing that actually they are making glass, very much up in the air :).

So this accidentally made glass inside the Jet engines will not do any good, but will jam the Engines at approx 35000 feet. Now you can imagine, what is this fuss all about!!
More information can be found here.

Nobody wants their flight to take a dip with jammed engines from that height. So, no passengers are whining in flight cancellations, however, there is a huge inconvenience for all. Airlines are loosing hundreds of millions of dollar per day. Some are conducting passenger less tests, to find out what can be the actual damage on the aircraft.

Interestingly, there were some 90 incidents reported when Jetliners had been damaged by Volcanic ash in last three decades, but no one has imagined the impact of this Eyjafjallajökull eruption will be at this much higher scale, because,  last time it erupted more than a hundred years ago!! and at time ones who used the airways … were birds :). So this is something that we are facing for the first time.

Hoping, that Mr. Eyjafjallajökull will soon go back to sleep and I can fly back home. Last time it erupted the Volcanic ash for 2 years. I just don't want to imagine that in the current scenario.




Things I missed this winter !!!

I usually like winters, one of the reasons I dint like chennai, is due to its winters, or i can say there is no such season like winters in chennai.
It is strange how the coastal climate, which is mostly known as moderate (Chennai is a bit more hot than moderate though), makes such a huge difference. Bangluru, which is just overnight from Chennai, got a gifted climate.
I should have said that before, in my prayers, that I love winters, so I landed up in United states in middle of the winters. This is by no means an ideal time to land up here. But, I did and i could not help it.
I enjoyed my winters here, but not all humans are like me, they have different interests and most importantly about the winters. So, i found myself, in lack of company, to roam around, to explore.  Although Charlotte, generally have mild winters, but this time I got a grand welcome, with snow every other weekend.
Even if its not snow, the temperature is much below people expectations, so people preferred to stay in their cozy homes.
I missed, visiting places in winter here, I missed a lot of things that were seemed not approachable in winter here, I missed ice-skating here, I missed skiing here and all these things which I missed are bothering me just a day before I am flying back to homeland.
I believe, I’ll be coming back soon, but still winters are almost two seasons away. So, whatever I missed, I know, I cant achieve it till next winters.
I did visited Chicago to see some friends there, and “The Windy City” welcomed with some more snow with the usual winds, after the snow had stopped for two weeks -
IMG_2231 IMG_2246

Though, it was more of the freezing rain, and snow accumulation dint happen. So I could capture this beautiful road, later in the day at "Navy Pier" -
And Chicago is beautiful at nights, this picture was taken from “Skyline” without night mode, kind of tough, used 10 seconds exposure of shutter, without a tripod, so its not clear in details, but still beautiful -
ciao … will update from India or earlier ..!!
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