So I started again …

 

Not the best of the reason to start blogging again. But I really needed someone to listen to me.

Right now, I just don’t want anybody to come and read these posts so friends I am thinking of blocking the followers.

No comments please … just read it and forget it …  don’t ask questions.

thanks

Things we lost in conversation !!

 

Have you ever been through hell !! I just did and yes it is painful to the extent. Every nonsense that you think should not come to your mind, it comes as you think of it.

Its strange how easy it is, to be thought like someone you never are, how small things said and done, rippled like tsunamis in your mind, destroying all the things you made out of love. Good things is these are all thoughts and a ray of light convince you that things will be alright.

One of the important lessons learnt out of this passage through hell is that you really don’t need words to express feelings, so don’t ask for it, just hope that things will be alright. But being human nobody likes uncertainties. To overcome these uncertainties in life humans tends to believe in horoscopes, tarot reading and all.

This is a good sign. it shows that you are recovering. I read somewhere that there is link developed between people when you actually are in relationships, I just hope its true.

I can now just wonder on how things turned out, but its evident now, questioning what just happened is the foolish thing to do. The right thing is to make things okay again, may be things are not that bad as I think. It cant be just like that. It may be easy to say, but I know things are not that bad.

I cried after a long time and I have no one to tell that. Boys does cry.

I am not sure, how confidently I can say this to you again, that I’ll survive whatever happens. I have just seen the trailer of hell and it was painful and made me think things, I never thought I can do.

I don’t know if I am gonna post it. I surely don’t want you to read it soon and you should not read it later. This is not due to you and I don’t expect you to go through what I have gone through.

I am a bit more emotional then I should be, I cant just help sometimes. I deserved it, I believe.

I just wanna say “ I Love You ” … even if this is unsaid so far.  I should have said that before, if it is to be said, don’t know for what I was waiting for.

This is a bad time now for question I was about to ask. I just wanted to ask “Given a chance, given everything will be alright, Will you marry me? Will you spent whole life with me?”… I think of asking it many times, but something was holding me back. Feeling that you need not answer it, feeling that I already know the answer.

I just wanted to ask that before you leave next weekend and I thought may be I’ll ask you this weekend.

The dream I had last night was pushing my emotions to ask it that time, but I thought let not just do it now and give you another thoughtful sleepless night.

With this state of my mind, I cant think how will you react now. I know you are angry at me, just hope not that bad as I am thinking. But you are angry enough to reply harshly to me, on mails I just sent out of emotions Sad smile… hoping it will soothe things down. Just things are not in tandem, not working for me today.

I already have few things that I think I’ll repent all my life, that I have acted differently and it pains every time I think of those, But do I had the options??. I just don’t want to add more things to it, I try hard, I am trying hard and I’ll try hard.

If you read it somehow, believe me you are not one of the audience at the moment, If I wanted to I could have mailed you all this.

This post is a messs !!!

but I Love You … and I want to say it to you looking in your eyes, holding your hand.

 

~Khadus Smile with tongue out

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